Sunday, January 20, 2013

Stop Whining...

I've said this probably thousands of times and I've been told this a lot of times myself. Generally I'm not a big whiner any more, but as a kid, man I could whine with the best of them. As I find myself in a mode of whining about our wait for Makenna, I have to wonder how tired of hearing my whines God must be. God already sees the end - He already knows our daughter and yet I stand before Him every day and I have an essence of "whine". Ugh - that's dreadful to think!

One of our children was a perpetual whiner as a pre-schooler and it would get VERY frustrating. We kept trying to instill that simply having us ask him/her to do something was reason enough - we didn't need to provide a reason or explanation or beg, plead or bribe. We trained this child that having a grateful heart and doing things when asked was what God wanted us to do. To this day, when we ask this child to do something that is probably not what is at the top of the list of what he/she WANTS to do - the response is "Yes, Mom or Dad, I'd be glad to."

How I wish this was my response "Yes, Father, I'd be glad to".

What seems like forever has been three months since we sent our paperwork, it feels like FOREVER - but in reality, three months is not that long. It's long to us because Makenna is not with us. Even though we have not seen her face yet, our hearts are still broken that our daughter is waiting for us and is without a family TODAY. This is part of God's plan for our family and we are asked to WAIT and TRUST. Yes, Father, I'd be glad to follow YOUR plan.

It's not easy, our hearts break almost daily, and I think our hearts should be broken for the orphan, for the hungry, for the ill, for the lonely. None of this was God's plan for our lives, but we live in world full of sin, we are a broken people. I can't fix the world, but I can continue to stand firm and trust my God by being His vessel with a grateful and joyful heart.

We continue to pray boldly that God would bring the file of our daughter to our agency. We pray that those reviewing her file will know that she is our daughter that she is a member of the Benner family.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8

Will you join us in this prayer in an attitude of gratitude for what we KNOW God is going to do for our family.

This process has made me very in tune with my emotions and what is really important to me. Many days my emotions are caught in my throat and it only takes a song, a movie, a word or a story to make everything bubble over and before I know it - the tears spring forth. Sometimes at just the wrong time, but my heart is being molded and softened to areas that God is calling me to serve.

God has been using music a lot to speak to me - to give me just what I need, to give me a glimpse at the future and to keep me grounded in today. It's creating a playlist of this story. I plan to create a playlist for Jason & I for our plane ride to China - the songs that have carried us through the hard times of this process and those that have helped us rejoice and celebrate the joy of the adoption process. Today, I share another song with you - a song about laying down my will and desires and following God's plan with JOY and not whining.
It will be my JOY to say
Your Will
Your Way
Blessings to you,