I'm back... it's been almost two months since my last post, and well, not much has changed. Our paperwork flew over to China on October 19th, and we were officially DTC. We received notification that our paperwork was LID (logged into the paperwork system) on October 26th. I've been waiting to publish the post that "we got the call" or "we saw her face", but it hasn't happened yet. So, this post is full of the honest truth about what the last six weeks have looked like and what God is teaching me (us) during this time.
Waiting is hard. H A R D
Our days have been filled with hopeful mornings and disappointed evenings. We jump when the phone rings. I stalk email, yahoo groups, facebook groups and online photolistings. And I'm not proud of it.
I wish I could say that I was waiting patiently and putting my complete trust in God's timing to see the sweet face of our daughter. But that would be a complete lie.
We may have set ourselves up for this disappointment. So many people told us that we would be matched quickly since we had a wide age range and multiple special needs on our list. We believed we would see her face quickly.
We completed our Waiting Child Program application in August and officially began our wait - there are certain children that you can be matched with prior to sending your dossier to Ch*na. We were hopeful that just maybe we could be matched with Makenna while we finished our paperwork. But, as time continued, we realized that we would likely need to be LID before receiving our referral. Receipt of our LID seemed to take forever - we finally got notification of our logged in date of October 26th, but we didn't find out until November 15th. We really thought we were all set - we would hear any day and maybe (just maybe) in time for Thanksgiving.
Silence...
Each month a shared list is released that includes new files of children that all adoption agencies can access. The November release was scheduled for November 27th (the evening of November 26th in the US). Again... high hopes... we would surely get the call. That night will forever be in our memories, but not because we saw our sweet girl's face. All four of us became ill with food poisoning - ranging from me with nausea, both kids were ill and Jason became violently ill and dehydrated. Instead of reviewing a file of our child, I paced in the Emergency Room watching Jason and Matthew struggle; and I kept track of Megan who was sick at home with my parents. It was a horrible night for our family - I have never seen my strong husband so sick - dehydrated and passed out on the bathroom floor. As I called 911 to have an ambulance come help us, I couldn't help but ask why? why God? This is not what we planned to do tonight. After some fluids and medication, we were back home and over the few days we would slowly regain strength and energy.
Over the past week God has been leading me and filling me with a sense of peace. I began an Advent devotional on December 2nd, and it couldn't be any more applicable to me! I need to let go of trying to control this process - letting go is hard! I WANT to control this, and I can control many things in my life (or try to anyway), but I have NO control over finding my daughter. God called us to adopt; I need to remember that I am along for the ride and God's blessing for our family to receive. So... what did it take for me to finally "get it"???
Let me walk you through my journey...
Day 1: Elizabeth and Zacharias receive news from an angel that Elizabeth will become pregnant and give birth to a son. By this time Elizabeth was an old woman, she had waited years to have a child, but was not able to conceive. (Luke 1:7)
Day 2: An angel appeared to Zacharias - your wife Elizabeth will have a son. Your prayers have been answered! What happened when Zacharias questioned the angel Gabriel about HOW this could happen at this age?? He was silenced and could not speak until the birth of his son.
Day 5 & 6: An angel appears to Mary to tell her she is the favored one whom God has chosen to give birth to Jesus, our Messiah. Mary, a young girl, a virgin, would give birth to the son of GOD. Mary would soon learn that when God is willing to use you, it often doesn't align with your plans. Being favored and used by God would come at a price for Mary.
Day 7 (Today): "For nothing will be impossible with God" Luke 1:37 - Christmas is not about me, it's not about my plans - it's about God's plan for my life - that is something to celebrate!
The range from Elizabeth to Mary - a woman who longed for years to have a child and had given up hope... to a young girl not yet ready to begin the journey of having a baby. Neither of these women had control over when or how their children would come into the world. God chose them to fulfill His plan. Just as God has chosen us for his child, this child we have been called to adopt and given the name Makenna.
This has been an amazing journey - if you would like to join me on this journey all content is taken from the Advent devotional "Joy! To Your World! A Countdown to Christmas" - you can find it under "Plans" in the "YouVersion" electronic bible - available on most electronic devices :)
I trust that God has more to teach me over the next two weeks leading up to Christmas. Waiting is still hard... I still want to see Makenna's face TODAY (well, Monday!). But, I trust that God will bring our daughter to us at just the right time. If you think about us... pray for us over the Christmas season and pray for Makenna. It's very hard to know that your child is waiting for you and longing to know the love of a family. We love this child and are so excited to bring her home.
I hope all of you will chose to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas this year - it's not about us or what we want. God sent Jesus into the world. "Christmas is about the intervention of God into our ordinary lives; it is about Christ being born into our disappointments and failures." (excerpt taken from devotional content)
Merry Christmas,
Jessica
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Hang in there, Jessica! I pray that God will give you patience and peace. All the waiting in this adoption process is so hard. I've been reminding myself that God has called me to this, and it's not my job to make sure that everything happens the way I want it to or according to my timing - it's my job to follow His call. At least for me, that brings a certain sense of peace - there is so much I can't do, but what He has called me to do, I can do (with His help), and that's all I'm responsible for. I fill out the paperwork when it's due, I talk to people about adoption in general and God's heart for adoption and for widows and orphans, and I work toward getting our house and our hearts and our lives ready to add our next little one, and I wait and trust that God is at work, in me, in the rest of my family, and around the world in China, and I may not know what that looks like all the time, but what I can do is trust and follow, and I want to seek to be faithful in that.
ReplyDeleteOur LID was Sept. 21 and we are still waiting too. I agree it's hard, but the right child will come along. Stay positive!
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