Saturday, May 12, 2012

Happy Mother's Day!

I find myself in a reflective mood tonight as I ponder Mother's Day, and I am overwhelmed and humbled as I look back over my years of being "Mommy" and now "Mom".  I am blessed beyond measure with an amazing husband, he's my best friend and the love of my life, he makes me laugh and cry - I couldn't imagine sharing this journey of life with anyone else! 
Megan and Matthew are such gifts - they bring immense joy and laughter to me each day.  Megan is quiet and caring, her gentle spirit is mature beyond her years; she is so sensitive to others and loving to all - she teaches me all the time what it means to love as Jesus taught us in the Bible - I hope that some day I can love others the way she does! 
Matthew is so full of life and spirit - he keeps me entertained and challenges me to think about why - never just accepting an answer.  I'll admit most days I would rather he just accept it and move on... but he is learning to think for himself and form his own opinions. 

Tomorrow marks my 12th Mother's Day - a dozen years!  In May 2000 - I was six months pregnant with Megan, my first baby!  I was anxious and excited to begin the journey of motherhood.  At 24 years old, I don't think I really knew what to expect, but God gave me everything that I needed just in His time.  
I remember back to the Winter of 2002 - - I was pregnant with Matthew and we had just found it that it was a BOY!  We were so excited - that excitement soon gave way in my mind to an immense responsibility - God had entrusted me to raise a MAN after God's own heart - Matthew was given to me as a baby boy, but it was up to me to teach him and guide him to become a man that could lead his family - love his wife as Christ loved the church and learn to put the needs of others before himself.  Matt is learning what true servant leadership looks like in the home by following God's example lived out everyday by Jason.
Mother's Day 2002 found me eight months pregnant with Matthew and caring for a busy 21-month old, Megan.  Those days were BUSY!  I remember many evenings and weekends when my  mom would come help me while Jason was at work to get two little ones ready for bed - It was certainly much more enjoyable having my mom to share those evenings with me!
My reflections of Mother's Day wouldn't be complete with thinking about my own mom!  I don't think I have gone through any major event in life that she wasn't a part of - she was at the hospital when I gave birth to both Megan and Matthew.  She & I have always been close and had a special bond - the kids and I still love to go hang out at her house when Jason is at work in the evening.  Even though I've been gone for almost fifteen years, there is something that still feels like home when I walk into her house. 
God has used my family to teach me how to be a Mom - I've had a great example to follow and God has continued to teach me new things each year in raising these two wonderful children.  But, now I find myself at a crossroad.  I am truly humbled that God has called us to adopt one of HIS daughters in China.  I never knew that I could love a child as much as my own children that I have given birth to, nursed and cared for from their first breath. 
I now know that this absolutely possible. 
Since we began this journey, my heart has already grown.  I remember back to the first few months of my pregnancy with Matthew and worrying that I wouldn't have enough love in my heart to love him as much as I loved Megan.  How could I possibly double the amount of love that I could give?  I honestly don't know how it happens, but my ability to love has grown as I prepare to bring home our daughter just as it did as we prepared to bring home Matthew.  It's amazing isn't it...  of course, God did tell us that, "The greatest of these is love", so why am I surprised? 
This Mother's Day feels like a new chapter in our story.  This year we wait... we wait and pray fervently for Makenna's safety, health and protection until she comes home to be with us.  My prayer is that we can bring her home before Mother's Day 2013 - (not really having anything to do with Mother's Day, just a goal of sorts in terms of timing).  It's so exciting to think about that, isn't it?  Somewhere in China a little girl is sitting and waiting - God knows she is our daughter and He has a perfect plan for her life. BUT... a new chapter in our story reminds me of the last chapter in another story.  My heart breaks thinking about the mom that gave birth to Makenna and either chose or was forced to give her up.  What is she doing tonight?  Is she praying for the same girl that I am?  God has placed this mom on my heart, I don't know if I will ever know the reasons surrounding Makenna's birth or why she was placed for adoption, but I pray that this woman would know and have peace that she will be Loved and Cared for in our home. 
It can be a little overwhelming, can't it?  The beauty of it all, is that God has everything under control.  I don't need to worry about the big stuff or the details - HE's got it all covered.  If you have made it to the end of this LONG post, thanks for sticking with me.  I call them reflections, they may be my ramblings... either way, I hope that someone was blessed by my thoughts and words.  If your heart leads you, please join me tonight in praying for moms around the globe who find themselves unable to raise their children, pray for healing of their hearts and a peace that only God can give. 
Happy Mother's Day...
Jessica

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