A Father's Heart

So I thought I should throw my two cents into my wife's blog. This has already been a life changing chapter in our lives, and we are only just month two of 12 to 18 into it! Part of our preparation requirements is that we have to basically take a 10 hour course that has been prepared for us. If you know Jessica and I, we like to research and plan ahead. We really don't like surprises. (This is where God laughs at us...) Jessica and I both read "Silent Tears" this weekend. It is a 330 page (Apple pages) real life true story of a couple who moved to China, because of her husband's job. She began volunteering at an orphanage, and it changed her life. It changed mine too. I feel even stronger today that we have been called down this path to bring
home my daughter--God's daughter. It is amazing how little regard there
is for life in China! The children in the orphanages are treated like animals. It is literally survival of the fittest. If a child has a cleft palette, and the formula runs out of their mouths, they starve to death. There is no time to feed each child with the care that is needed, nor are there resources to ensure decent nutrition. Once the child is off of formula, they have rice and greens for breakfast, greens and rice for lunch and rice and greens for dinner.--If they are lucky. Kinda gives me a reality check as I reach for my homemade garden mint tea...

Jessica and I have taken a huge leap of faith. We fully are convinced that this is what God has called us to do, and we will be faithful. I am a huge planner. I want to know what, when, how, and especially how much. Today I wrote a check for money that I had earmarked for bills that will be coming up. I don't know exactly how this will all work out, but it is not up to me. He started this, and He is faithful! I have seen this over and over in my life. I have no doubt I will see it again, even if it requires me to sell my possessions. This is what I was put on this earth to do, and I now realize what faith is all about.
It has been pretty easy so far in life with my "perfect" family, and
good jobs for my wife and I. We were at a place in life where the clouds had parted, and the sun was illuminating a clear path towards a place where we could relax a little. But in my reading of the Bible throughout my life, I have not found the chapter and verse encouraging retirement and living it up. However, in the last several months, I have been challenged again and again on what I am doing for the one who gave his perfect life for my embarrassing, hypocritical life. Not to EARN his love, for that is impossible, but because I want to show him my love. I can not do what He has not made me capable of. But He has made me capable of loving a child, who will have no other chance in life if I look away. I can no longer look away. I have not met Makenna yet, but I would die for her. God has truly put this in my heart and by His
strength and provision, I will walk the path that God has set me on.

Our lives have changed already. We now second guess every purchase--Megan and Matthew are not so sure about this part of it yet...:-) We feel guilty taking a vacation that was planned and mostly paid for over the past year. We think about this child constantly, dream about her and her situation often. I worry about her present situation, all the while dreaming happily about the first time I grill up a juicy steak for her, or pluck a fresh strawberry from my garden and watch her eyes open with shock and amazement! I dream of her smiling as her life begins to open before her in ways that she never thought could have existed. However, these are dreams. There is a very strong
possibility that she will have severe issues with attachment, abandonment, fear, anxiety, night terrors, and just plain loneliness. She will have some sort of disability. Most are correctable here in the States, but are a death sentence in China. She will feel lost as everyone will speak a language that she does not understand. And on top of that, as she leaves the orphanage that she is most likely in now, (and used too) She will board a machine that is loud and scary and be stuck on it for 22 hours straight. Then she comes home to a place where nothing is familiar, normal or comforting in the ways she has known. Whoever has been her caregiver will no longer be around. The food she is used to will be prepared in a way that is different. (No matter how hard I try to get it right...) Her sleeping situation, while better--to us, will be different, and thus irritating at first. Everyone will be looking at her--Where did she come from, what is her story, what does she remember and think of all of this??? This is not going to be easy. This is going to be hard. Real hard. We covet your prayers for all of us. We cannot know what is ahead, but believe me, we are trying to prepare!

We have begun fundraising. We will have many. We appreciate all your
encouragement and support. You also can donate to our costs directly through our agency here: http://www.awaa.org/forms/donations.aspx

We need to raise a total of $30,000 to pull this whole thing off. We have already blown our budgets, savings, and plans for just about anything else in the foreseeable future. We chose this, and would choose it again. However, if you feel that you want to help, or that this is your way to make a difference in this world, we would love to have your support!

We thank you, and Makenna thanks you! Please forward our blog and info to anyone who you may think may be interested in our story! We have had over 500 hits in the first 3 weeks that our blog has been up, and now are over 800 hits! I am amazed!

Thank you all for your interest in our new daughter's life!

Jason